tell me a story
a dear friend is currently on a month-long trip in Central America. this morning i had an email from her that said "i am lonely. tell me a story." this was my reply.
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there once was a 17-year-old girl named Danielle. she was a junior in high school in new jersey. and her particular school system sent their 6th graders away to a YMCA camp for part of a week each year to experience the out-of-doors. helping to supervise this ungainly band of hormone-ridden youth was a hand-picked crack team of high school juniors who acted as camp counselors-of-sorts for the week. being your standard go-getting high school overachiever (read: annoying! lack of perspective!), Danielle was naturally chosen to be one of these.
one of Danielle's closest friends was a girl by the name of Nancy (who, as it happens, is one of her dearest friends to this day. and is getting married in a few short months. in an affair that has come to be known as My Big Fat Mexican-Italian Wedding. but that is another story for another time). Nancy was also go-getterish and overachieving (albeit in a healthier way than Danielle) so she too was chosen to be an Outdoor Education Counselor. rounding out their happy Girl Counselor Trifecta was Rachael, who around the start of junior year had taken on the torch as the school's token lesbian. the girls were accompanied by 3 popular, jockish boys who were all members of fraternities (yes, their high school had greek organizations) who the girls generally found to be boorish and irritating.
on one particular evening at the YMCA camp, the high school counselors were given the night off from wrangling their charges, and so got an entire table to themselves in the mess hall, far from the condiment-slinging antics of 6th graders. it happened to be taco night. on one side of the table sat the boys, all of whom were in frats, played sports and enjoyed drinking beer. opposite them sat the ladies, who amongst them toted a critical mass of marching band membership, high GPA and queer identification. in short, there wasn't a whole lot to talk about so any attempts at table-wide conversation were quickly abandoned for commiserating within one's own gender grouping whilst consuming mass quantities of tacos.
this plan was proceeding brilliantly until one of the gentlemen loudly uttered a comment to which Nancy took exception. her patience, until now under careful control, had been pushed too far. "You are a fucking barbarian" she launched across the table. now one must understand that high school Nancy, bless her heart, was incredibly quiet and reserved in most situations, particularly those involving the opposite sex. so this outburst was especially unexpected and amusing to everyone at the table. everyone including Danielle, who had just taken a rather sizable bite of taco. a rather sizable bite of taco which then, rather than proceeding in the generally appointed fashion through her pharynx and down her esophagus, instead saw fit to proceed upwards (under the force of her sudden, explosive laughter) and lodge in her sinuses.
all Danielle knew was that she had a sudden intense pain in her nose. she reached for a napkin and began blowing, only to find that shredded lettuce was coming out of her nostrils. it continued to do so for quite a long time, and in very public fashion.
and so, dear friends, yours truly was forever dubbed the Human Salad Shooter, a name that follows her to this very day.
***********
there once was a 17-year-old girl named Danielle. she was a junior in high school in new jersey. and her particular school system sent their 6th graders away to a YMCA camp for part of a week each year to experience the out-of-doors. helping to supervise this ungainly band of hormone-ridden youth was a hand-picked crack team of high school juniors who acted as camp counselors-of-sorts for the week. being your standard go-getting high school overachiever (read: annoying! lack of perspective!), Danielle was naturally chosen to be one of these.
one of Danielle's closest friends was a girl by the name of Nancy (who, as it happens, is one of her dearest friends to this day. and is getting married in a few short months. in an affair that has come to be known as My Big Fat Mexican-Italian Wedding. but that is another story for another time). Nancy was also go-getterish and overachieving (albeit in a healthier way than Danielle) so she too was chosen to be an Outdoor Education Counselor. rounding out their happy Girl Counselor Trifecta was Rachael, who around the start of junior year had taken on the torch as the school's token lesbian. the girls were accompanied by 3 popular, jockish boys who were all members of fraternities (yes, their high school had greek organizations) who the girls generally found to be boorish and irritating.
on one particular evening at the YMCA camp, the high school counselors were given the night off from wrangling their charges, and so got an entire table to themselves in the mess hall, far from the condiment-slinging antics of 6th graders. it happened to be taco night. on one side of the table sat the boys, all of whom were in frats, played sports and enjoyed drinking beer. opposite them sat the ladies, who amongst them toted a critical mass of marching band membership, high GPA and queer identification. in short, there wasn't a whole lot to talk about so any attempts at table-wide conversation were quickly abandoned for commiserating within one's own gender grouping whilst consuming mass quantities of tacos.
this plan was proceeding brilliantly until one of the gentlemen loudly uttered a comment to which Nancy took exception. her patience, until now under careful control, had been pushed too far. "You are a fucking barbarian" she launched across the table. now one must understand that high school Nancy, bless her heart, was incredibly quiet and reserved in most situations, particularly those involving the opposite sex. so this outburst was especially unexpected and amusing to everyone at the table. everyone including Danielle, who had just taken a rather sizable bite of taco. a rather sizable bite of taco which then, rather than proceeding in the generally appointed fashion through her pharynx and down her esophagus, instead saw fit to proceed upwards (under the force of her sudden, explosive laughter) and lodge in her sinuses.
all Danielle knew was that she had a sudden intense pain in her nose. she reached for a napkin and began blowing, only to find that shredded lettuce was coming out of her nostrils. it continued to do so for quite a long time, and in very public fashion.
and so, dear friends, yours truly was forever dubbed the Human Salad Shooter, a name that follows her to this very day.
posted by Dani at 10:01 AM
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